Sunday, January 15, 2012


"Who knew that my heart could ever bruise?"

Only been a day and I am torn up so confusedly. Yay love and boys and junk. You think things are gonna be fixed and everything is gonna go well and then . . . well in this case I slipped up. Or maybe I didn't, maybe I didn't do a darn thing wrong and he just couldn't handle it. Gah. I just don't know. You think when someone says they want to try again that they, you know, TRY. But this just looks like a rerun and I feel like. . . what else is on? I mean I really thought we had something going and everything was great, until I decided to try to lean on him and explain my heart and what I've been feeling. I thought third times the charm but the more I think about it the more it creeps into my head that. . . it shouldn't take three times.

really do hate being my age sometimes. Getting hopes up with romance and school and finding a job and getting out on my own, then it all just crashing down on you with a bearing "No". Makes it hard sometimes. Have you ever got to the point where you're so stuck you just have no clue what to do, where to go, or if you can even get there? Being 19 I want to get out on my own but because of certain situations its difficult for me. No car. No places I applied for a job calling back. No internet at my mothers. 
I want to start my life, it hasn't even begun. 
But its like the world is holding me back.

I tried to move out to help a friend who is about to have a baby and that blows up in my face with her family attacking me and saying some things that people just. . .shouldn't say. I keep looking for signs of what I should do, where I should go. But there is nothing in my view.
It really gets me down.

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